'Divorce Research Paper\r'

' f all t grizzly apart Crystal Perez come apart is a freehand scary word for some an(prenominal). To some, it is a word that represents failure and a indicate for them to tole place the white flag in defeat. Trials and tribulations run into collapse ofmed to take their bell and cause campaign for a signifi nett intensify in lifestyle, r teleph ane number awayines, and marital status. To others, disjoint is a reason to escape from a exhausting and perverting family. carve up is the final straw and the symbol of cour mount up to exhaust away when they had had sufficient. For whatever the reason, part has stupefy extremely frequent non just in the United States, neertheless across the Earth. It is excessively a large reason for debate.Many feel as though break up is looked at as a â€Å" fixate egress of gaol free card” and that pile use it when they absorb sinkd that they essential to move on. Many also see disassociate as a harmful tool to tear a family to pieces. Regardless of how split is perceived, the fact is that it creates a very powerful qualifying in families. The exact cause of a split is interchangeable from fortune to case. The cause and effect kinetic whitethorn display a pattern as to why homosexualy brotherhoods fail. Factors and warning signs that whitethorn founder to a failed espousals include factors to begin with the marriage, and during a marriage.Such factors before a marriage include; his or her pargonnts divorcing, either partner is under the age of 21, family is fence to the marriage, cohabitation before marriage, a previous divorce of either partner, or a large discrepancy in age, background, interests, and values. (Berger 2009) While wholeness whitethorn say that signal detection these warning signs early could prevent a twain from immaturely embarking on the trip down the gangplank, gentlemans gentleman racey signs atomic number 18 ideally ignored by pre-marital bliss. The warning signs for divorce while in the marriage may be more than detectable.Such signs include; divergent plans and practices regarding accouchement and electric s assumer rearing, financial tense/unemployment, substance abuse, intercourse voicelessies, lack of snip together, stimulated or carnal abuse, and relatives who do not support the affinity. (Berger 2009) It has been said â€Å" umteen distressed marriages atomic number 18 happier by and by divorce, while those in merely distant marriages argon less satiateed than they though they would be. ” (Berger 2009) Many go into a relationship ignoring the faults of others; consummately blind to potential risk factors or warning signs of a failing relationship. wherefore would they?To incessantly look for fault in others and to always re look for for the problem could lead to a potentially solitary life. The saying that no angiotensin converting enzyme is perfect, while completely truthful, raft ring in the ears of a man or woman flavor for hunch over. This statement feces cause matchless to knowledge the common â€Å" commanding the flaws” syndrome, and therefore s revoke much(prenominal) star-crossed lovers down the aisle; never stopping to take a breathing time and consider the impossible…what if they atomic number 18 not sincerely yours compatible? The good news is that more so now than ever, individuals atomic number 18 deciding to examine their partners and themselves a little bit more c atomic number 18fully before tying the knot.The United States was the premiere nation to see the divorce rate rise signifi movetly age ago. However, the divorce rate has remained steady for the outgoing 15 years. (Berger 2009) To more closely examine the reasoning underside the steady rate, you devote to consider where society was cardinal years ago. Fifteen years ago it was 1997; the year where the average income was $37,006. 00. (PeopleHistory. com 2004) Wh ether you consider it low or broad(prenominal) today, the fact is that that $37,000 dollars was now being shared more oft amid powerful men and women. These women were administrators, lawyers, professors, and collegiate professionals. superstar may say that these women had an unwavering sense of womens liberation movement and the mentality of being a strong, public life-driven individual. It is at the age where women are not defined by their hubby’s careers, merely by their own accomplishments. With women winning their place in the workplace, it may be unassailable to say that more found that a career was her top priority. Being a businesswoman and climbing the corporate ladder may defy been reason enough for women to shy away from marriage until later in life; or instead possibly altogether. whatever the case, women were allowed to be choosier in who they marital, causing a becalm in the divorce rate. maybe women were realizing that they did not need marriag e to feel fulfilled. Or maybe for the lucky adepts, they very could have it all; maintain corporate executive status…and chance and keep love. Although the divorce rate in the United States has kept steady for the past 15 years, the place are as yet advantageously high. Current divorce rates state that closely one out of two marriages abolish in divorce. This add is without considering that half of all adults do not get divorced. In fact, a large number of spate never marry or many marry multiple times. Berger 2009) This brings up a vast point as to why divorce rates are so high. We all know the tragical stories of those who have married multiple times on their desperate hunt to find happiness and straight love. It evokes the dubiousness; while women and men can be wildly successful, why are they always looking for the fairy history? Why do we insist that somewhere, out there, our knight in shining armor forget canter down the beaten form into our introductor y yard and ask to be ours? Why do men proclaim that they will scarcely set down for the right woman; who coincidentally mirrors the but perfect woman in their life… their mummy?We have been told since we were young that we should never settle. We prepare ourselves for our futures, take aim our lifters to tell us the truth nearly â€Å"what’s wrong with us”, and have our hearts bemused a million times because in the end, we are destined to find the one…right?? As a little misfire, I remember my milliampere telling me to never settle for just anyone. â€Å"You have a lot to give and a big heart. Make sure the one who gets it really deserves it. ” I have spent my life carrying around a heart that is locked up tight until I find that one perfect person who holds the key to it.It sounds similar a fairy tale doesn’t it? For person pr individuallying about the fancy that many marriages end because women expect a fairy tale, I unflurried hold that fantasy in my own heart. We are told to not let just anyone in, but how do we know if they are that right person. In our positron emission tomography fairy tales, there is always a sign. For carbon White, it was debate up love’s kiss. If it were the wrong prince and not her true love, his kiss would not have woken her up. In which case, Snow White would experience her own exertion and error service without ever having to go through with(p) the heartache of a breakup.For Sleeping Beauty, her Prince Charming would have never walked into her life without an arranged marriage. Luckily for her, true love’s kiss also woke her from her slumber. manifestly her betrothed just happened to be the right man for her. Watching these fairy tales growing up reinforces the idea that everyone has a true love. Everyone, no result how difficult the incident, will eventually find the person that they conk to. Unfortunately for us, there is no sleeping piece that can wake us up with true love’s kiss. We have to continue look for for the perfect man; kissing any toad frog that comes our direction.So the forefront is, do we believe the fairytales too very much? Do many marriages end in divorce because the man we marry just doesn’t turn out to be Prince Charming? Many go into a relationship giving the benefit of the distrust and hoping that just this one time; he or she will be perfect. Could it be possible that many marriages end because of disappointment? another(prenominal) theory as to why divorces do occur so frequently is the fact that we watch men and women in the media divorcing their checkmate worry it is a right of passage; alike(p) after the 3rd one, you get a displace on your next wedding. Take Elizabeth Taylor for example.The glamorously successful necessitate star earned her star status by acting in films since the age of ten. She was considered to be one of the last great movie stars of her time. While she is know for her films, she is better known for her precocious love life. With all of her star success, one would think that she would be content; but like any other human being, she longed for love. When she didn’t find it the first time, she continued to search for and marry anyone who made her happy for the time being. Taylor married eight times. This leaves one to question whether her marriages were a outlet of love, or acts which filled a void in her heart.A more recent star that has followed the same path is Jennifer Lopez. Wildly successful and envied by many, one may say that she has it all. Lopez has also been on the search for love. She has married and divorced three times. This draws a fine line between when it is morally right for a divorce to take place. One may say that a duad must divorce when one or both parties are discontented. This being said, how unhappy is unhappy enough? Couples fight, argue over petty things, and question their compatibility, but when is it right to call it quits? shinny for a marriage may be as of import as preparing for one in the first place.Celebrities such as Jennifer Lopez who get out of a relationship do not set the go around example for those fighting for their relationship. The divorce factors that make divorces in all likelihood during a divorce; such as emotional and physical abuse, financial stress/unemployment, etc. are rarely present in celebrity divorces. If celebrities such as Elizabeth Taylor, Jennifer Lopez, Britney Spears, and Russell Brand can divorce for â€Å" inappropriate differences,” why shouldn’t the general public? Divorce may be something that many tend to do on a whim when they have simply had enough, but in many to most cases, it is not just themselves that hey have to worry about. Most traditionalistic families that experience a divorce have infantren who are composite as much as their recruits. In certain cases, a divorce may be secondful for those in an abus ive environment or those who experience more arguments than dinner conversations. Divorces from harmful relationships can get word kidren that when you are hurting, sometimes you need to get out. However, divorces that are granted because of â€Å"irreconcilable differences” may teach children that when the going gets tough, it’s best to just get going. Divorce can also hurt bonds between a specific nourish if that promote and the child were close.The child could experience a feeling of want and be subject to the sorrow process, which will help them to move on through the loss. If both parents do not assist with this grieving process, problems within the process may be created. Many think that the grieving process is only experienced after a death. It in fact can and should be followed after any situation that creates great trauma to one’s usual state. The process can be quite helpful in maintaining a motionless state of being after a loss. in that respe ct are times that the process may be complicated.For example, absent grief is a situation in which overly private people cut themselves attain from the community and customs that allow and expect grief. (Berger 2009) Another situation of complicated grief is disenfranchised grief. This is â€Å"a situation in which certain people, although they are bereaved, are prevented from mourning publicly by cultural customs or social restrictions. ” (Berger 2009) This would be a situation where a child is told not to cry about a situation or to â€Å"suck it up” and not be bothered by the up-to-date situation. These aspects of complicated grief may affect the child later on in his or her adult life.If both adults in the marriage decide that divorce is the best option for all members of the family, it is important for the child to be informed and to be allowed to grieve in his or her own way. Open communication can be very helpful in acquire through a complicated time. With t his open communication, the equalise must understand that each child, at each age level, will respond differently. An example addicted by The University of brand-new Hampshire: Cooperative Extension was that a child of preschool age may think that if he/she had done his/her chores or eaten dinner when they were told, their father or mother would not have gone away.Elementary-aged children may have the most difficult time evaluate divorce. (UNH) The children are old enough to recognize that they are hurting, but have no idea how or if they can fix the pain. (UNH) Adolescents generally take a different approach to patch the problem at hand. He/she may assume the responsibilities of a parent in order to take less stress arrive at of a specific parent. They are old enough to understand that his/her parents are not only adults, but they are also actual people dealing with a crisis. He/she may take stress on themselves because they feel responsible for fixing a problem that they hav e no date of.According to the University of New Hampshire, â€Å"studies have shown that boys brocaded by fathers and girls raised(a) by mothers may do better than children raised by the parent of the opposite sex. ” This is also a very important aspect to consider when divorcing, who lives with whom. The divorce is not just the dividing of the assets; it is also the dividing of the children. Schedules dictating which holi long time are with a give parent, or who has them on the weekends can be stressful for not only the parents, but the children as well.This relates to the idea that â€Å"the children’s adjustment following a divorce has more to do with the quality of the parent-child relationship than with the gender and age of the child. ” (UNH) If the child has working relationships with his/her parent on each of their visits, the child should not struggle to find a way to adjust. Regardless of the sum of time between parent and child, the quality of the time should be enough for the child to feel as though he/she is not missing a source of comfort. The relationship between child and parent is quite possibly one of the most difficult aspects of divorce.As an individual, it is easy to put yourself first. For many, it’s what they have done for his or her entire life. In the beginning, you have an entire world of opportunity in front of you. The stresses of a part-time job and school seem like the most intense and terrifying aspect of your entire life; because it’s not just school, it’s everything else. Love lives, career choices, moves to different places near and far away; our minds are constantly churning out new ideas for our futures. indeed once you decide on a place to live and a career, you tension on how to move to the top of the ladder and become all that you can be; after ll, that is what your college experience has prepped you for, right? Then you meet someone that you decide to settle down with. So now you’re balancing a career, marriage, and of course the idea that you still have a long life to live. Then as the song goes, first comes love, then comes marriage…then of course comes children. I’ve been told that children may quite possibly be the biggest blessing in one’s life; but then your days of dreaming for one are over. Your dreams and life changes have now become the life source for someone else who means more than your desire to cross items off of your bucket list.A divorce is one of those changes that affect many relationships. These other relationships may be more important than the relationship that you have with yourself. In my opinion, this should be the question everyone contemplating a divorce must ask themselves…does this close affect anyone else? If so, will this decision improve the lives of everyone involved? It is hard to say if a divorce helps or hurts family. Each case is different and each case is full of reasons for a co uple to stay or to leave. It is easy to listen to a best friend tell you how much you deserve better, or a mother saying that she wants more for you.However, in the end the choice is yours. It is human nature to gravitate towards people who make you happy. You would never befriend someone who gave you the coldness shoulder and told you how much they disliked you. Just as someone going into a relationship never sets out to find someone who makes him or her unhappy. til now in the case of celebrities looking for love of their own, they never go out searching for disaster. Whether it is the fairy tale image, the feeling of needing someone in your life, or the sign feeling that you are perfect for each other, no one goes into a relationship hoping for failure.We are given one shot at life and are constantly told to go out and live turbulently; live the life we’ve always wanted! Why else would our role models tell us that we could have anything we want if we just pursue it? It is my honest belief that we go through life trying to find and hold onto the things that make us ridiculously happy. You could tell the divorcing couple who were once madly in love that you told them so, but it would not change the fact that at one time they were in love. They took a chance and believed that their love could withstand anything.The reality is that while this couple’s marriage failed does not mean that all will. scorn current statistics, the truth is that while one out of two marriages ends in divorce, one half of them work. One can be a cinicist, look at a statistic and look for failure. Or one can look at the statistic and hold onto the belief that they are the fortunate half. Divorce is tragic no matter how one looks at it, however no one can predict the future. If a couple is aware(predicate) of themselves and their chances for success, their happiness has no expiration date.Despite the statistics, the prior judgments, and the expectations of others, a m arriage has every chance to defy betting odds and last forever. Stories like that are those that give this girl every reason to believe that I really can have my own fairy tale. Resources Berger, Kathleen Stassen. Invitation to the career Span. New York: Worth, 2010. Print. Temke, Mary. â€Å"The Effects of Divorce on Children. ” University of New Hampshire: Cooperative Extension. University of New Hampshire, May 2006. Web. 13 May 2012. . â€Å"The Year 1997 From The People History. ” What Happened in 1997 Inc. Pop Culture, Prices and Events. Web. 14 May 2012. .\r\n'